woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
