this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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