Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
