I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
