it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
