Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
