i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
