this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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