hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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