I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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