I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
