How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
