My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
