well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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