i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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