they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
