u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
