i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
