she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
