found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
