if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
