I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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