thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
