i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
