I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
