Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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