I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
