Got a toothbrush?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
