have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
