You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
