Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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