We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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