drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
