You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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