i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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