so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
