so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
