i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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