Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
