So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
