I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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