The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
