Yo dont text me then not text me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
