get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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