Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
