we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
