No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
