You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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