Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
