Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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