i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
