I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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